Thursday, July 29, 2010

Why most relationships don't work OR Adam trying to act like he is a relationship expert when he can't date a girl for more than 2 month (its true)

So as someone who gives relationship advice to friends and acquaintances who seem in need of some help in their relationships I figure it would be a good idea to give my thoughts on why I think most relationships don't work and usually end with someone getting hurt. Basically it boils down to people not being on the same page. Now for those who don't like analogies or metaphors, I'll make it even easier for you to understand. People need to be at the same exact commitment level in the relationship for most of the time while being in a relationship with the other person or it won't work. It for example the girl is way more committed to the relationship working than the guy it will end, probably at the fault of the guy saying or doing something that the girl thinks is completely wrong for this very serious and committed relationship. Now if two people are on the same commitment level for the majority of the time spent in the relationship, it will probably end up in marriage.

Lets use a recent relationship I had as an example. This girl named Erin and I dated for almost 2 months, and it was and still is my longest lasting relationship I've ever had so far. Now at the start me and Erin were on the same commitment level but then there grew a disdain for each others life goals and future plans, and she got upset because whenever she said, she could see herself living in a certain area, I would say, I could never see myself there, which is true, one time it was Montana, who wants to move there? There is nothing there, just mountains, I would move there if I wanted no one to bother me at all. So towards the end of the relationship, she mentioned this isn't working and pointed out examples like that, and I said who knows where either of us we'll end up but maybe this will work for the time being. That was stupid to say because then all the next week I knew I had to end this and I did the next Friday I think it was and we basically talked each other into relationship because she felt some of the same anxiety and we finally the first time in awhile on the same page and both knew we should not be together because it wasn't going to go anywhere.

I know this is one example and every relationship is different in numerous ways but honeslty it always boils down to commitment level. Not both people to need to be all in to the relationship for it to work, if you both want moderate commitment it will work. The problem always comes when one wants more commitment and the other isn't willing to reciprocate. Look at any relationship, look at when they start to fall apart, its when one wants something in the relationship that the other doesn't, simply said.

Is there more to it, probably but when you boil it down to brass tax, that is what makes and breaks relationships, so when you feel a difference in commitment level from your significant other over a long a period of time, week to a month, time to cut her loose. Unless he/she says she has some things to sort and really is sort things out in his/her mind, that commitment level you once had, probably won't be re-kindled, it happens thats life.

Until next time...Stay Safe

Thoughts on the Brain and Dreams brought on by Inception

So I fell behind on my posting everyday but I will double post today to make up for it. Last night I saw Inception and after sleeping on it and thinking about it I want to free write about some of its logic and ideas it brings up.

If you havent seen the movie, it might be best not to read it as I don't really spoil much of the the movie but the post gives you an idea what the movie is about, and its best if you watch the movie with little knowledge about it as possible. But its up to you.

So the movie brings up logic about dreams and how the brain constructs entire cities out of nothing for your dreams and that it is difficult to remember the beginning of a dream and the brain can usually only remember the end of the dream and then that thought memory fades away. Dreams can be complex and feel like they are really long why is that? I feel our brains are doing so much more work while dreaming and why does it do it? Why not rest and actually go into a true sleep mode? Imagine if our computers did more work when they were off than while they were on, some of them would overheat and burn up and we wouldn't know what it is doing while it overheated.

And if you think about dreams in a movie making way, our brains are the best special effects artists of all, making you think your dreams are all too real. I know I have had a dream or too when I think its real, and wish it wasn't because of the circumstances I find myself in the dream. In the dream world, I have committed so many crimes and been in so much trouble its a good thing I don't remember most of the time what exactly I did, I usually just wake up and thank God it was all just dream because I wake up still having that lingering feeling of knowing I did something wrong or that I was in trouble, but at the same time it fades away because I am back in the real world, where everything is fine.

It is simply impressive that it is the year 2010 and we still have little understanding on how the brain works with dreams and why it does. I almost think that we are not supposed to know because if we did it might unlock more brainpower than ever possible before. If the brainpower possible while dreaming was achieved while awake the world would become a very different place and possibly a scary one to live in. Who knows what would be possible?

Don't think too hard on this one, it might just hurt a little.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Letting Go of Memories Lost and Gone and Leaving Behind What Once Was

Who you are now is not who you were

Forget about the times that caused you pain and anguish

Leave behind those you have crossed you and those who caused you nothing but grief

Never to connect with them again and see how they are

Why keep going back to those that hurt, bored, or just didn't seem to enrich your life?

When you can move on and look forward to people to inspire you and make life more enjoyable.

Even as I say these things, I realize these things are very difficult to do

As even I struggle with bad memories that wont go away, but try and move on,

But in the end it will make things better

Now let go...

Monday, July 26, 2010

Housing Issues At The Current Moment

So the place where I live hasn't been the most enjoyable this year, between roommates who I don't really hang out with and the drama they built between one and another, which I happily stayed out of. At the start of my search for a place to live which started a little over a week ago I decided to live that I want my own place and live alone for the year and possibly longer, and in Northeast Minneapolis because I really love the area and friends I've made from church live there.

But of course, this cant be simple at all the following factors are keeping this from being simple.

Now a few people have said they want to live with me or would consider it if given the right place to live in, which if I go that route would make rent cheaper.

If I were to move in to a place at the start of august, I don't know that I would have enough money to cover the deposit and first month of rent.

The person I would live with is my friend Jessica and she wants to live in the suburbs, we've found an apartment in Roseville that we will both look at and if we were to live together most likely it would be there, and the commute for me would be a very long bike ride or a over time very costly daily bus ride. NE Minneapolis would be easier because everything I do is in Minneapolis.

I've started making plans to find a temp place to live in August because it gives me more time and would allow me to choose the single apartment which after thinking about it tonight, I think is what I'll go with in the end even if the Roseville apartment is end all be all amazing, because I grew up with my own room in a house with my mom, and this would be the final step to finally and fully becoming independent, because in ways you depend on roomates, and being an only child growing up and sort of loner in many ways in high school, I like to be self sufficient and it would be good to fully do that, still would be without a car but I could save for that over time and make this single apartment the cozy home to myself I've always wanted.

We'll see what happens, hopefully I am lead to an opportunity that allows me a place to live for August, because that would be amazing, not going to lie, if you are of the praying type, pray that God leads me to path in this housing difficulty to be able to have everything work, otherwise just send positive thoughts.

Thats all for today until tomorrow...Stay Safe.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Life With Older People

So I have challenged myself to blog everyday for a week and next Sunday I'll blog again and see what blogging everyday for a week has done for me and my writing. Today I'm just going to rant randomly.

So lately I have noticed I really don't enjoy being around many people who are my age, those that are slightly older, I enjoy their company more. This has to be due to the fact of the last 12 months being just hard on me mentally, being unemployed twice, living on my own, changing churches and making new friends while basically leaving others behind. (Its so true I only talk to 2 people from The Rock at all anymore, sad but true) Dating a girl for 2 months, which in hindsight was too long, I don't regret it because I did learn a thing or two of what I want in a woman, that blog is almost done, and realized women my age, for the most part, are kind of boring.

So yea older people make better friends in my mind, especially the ones I have made in the small group I go to regularly at Mercy Vineyard, its great but there is a disconnect to a certain degree because all the men who regularly attend all are married. Yes they've been through what I'm going through, but they aren't right now and its different dynamic, when seeking advice, they seem like wise men to go to rather compadres who I am going through life with. Thats just my one complaint other than that its fantastic.

So the dating life has been complicated as of late, and the being friends with older people is basically a setup for this section of this piece. In short I've been inadvertantly cougar hunting. Yep in the past few weeks I've been on a date with a 30 year old, a 35 year old, and 25 year old (though due to the fact she parties and smokes too much she looks older than the other two). Ironically enough the dates with the older 2 women were more successful than the 25 year old, she wasn't my type at all, we'll leave it at that. Things didn't work out with the 30 year old, and just today was the first date with the 35 year old, though I didn't feel a real spark between us and forsee us as being just friends, it wasnt the age difference it was just that I didn't feel an attraction at all between us, have no idea what she felt, we just hung out and talked all day.

There got that out of me. Friends are telling me I am cougar hunting, though one friend told me, maybe you're being cougar hunted. I like that more because it makes me feel more awesome in some weird twisted way.

I continue training at my job tomorrow, basically just listening to phone calls since its at a call center, we'll see how it goes. I like it so far, and the people I work with are fun to chat and BS with, we'll see how it turns out.

I guess thats it, I still don't know how to end these blogs properly other than saying...

Stay safe folks